There are so many unanswered questions before telling someone about your compulsive bedroom habit.

Can they handle it?
How will they react?
Will they be willing to work through it with you?

Ironically, worrying about the worst-case scenario increases the likelihood of it happening. If only because it causes you to delay something extremely important:

What you already know you need to do.

The feedback repeatedly shows —
If you do nothing, the compulsive habit will grow.
If you lie about it, your relationship’s trust and faith will break down further.
If you run from it, intimacy that feels safe will elude you.

Granted, it’s not easy risking the care or presence of someone you love or trust. That’s why you might want to be intentional before you share. Even if you don’t start by telling your life partner.

Whether you talk with a therapist, mentor, or friend —

Here are 3 solid green flags to look for that will help set you up for success.

Privacy

People who love to gossip and expose secrets about others miss the mark on privacy. Discussing common topics is one thing. Revealing a person’s identity attached with the conversation (who would have otherwise been confidential) is another. Choose someone with a track record of protecting other people’s privacy.

Neutrality

They are detached enough to let you take necessary steps moving forward with your life. Even if it’s without them. Even if they disagree on your perspective. Even if they can predict an upcoming ‘failure’. Mistakes can be a helpful part of the process too. (Keep in mind, those whose personal lives are intertwined with our own often have the hardest time with neutrality.)

Accountability 

In my world, accountability means opportunity for you to be accountable to yourself. It’s too easy to back-out when you’re on your own. The human psyche can be very clever that way. So, instead of coddling you, a great accountability partner asks questions that aren’t always easy to answer. You get to engage in a living conversation that can’t be recorded or dished out. Even better when they know how to pull strength out of ‘weak’ spots without telling you what to do. It’s the best kept secret that’s not a secret for long-term success. 

Still, with all 3 green flags, telling someone about your compulsive porn-use may not feel like a safe choice. 

Then again, the best decisions rarely ever feel ‘safe’. How could it feel safe when you have so much to lose with so much to gain?

Take care,

Krystal

PS Click here if you want to work with me to quit a specific bedroom habit.

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